Nearly 41 years ago Bill and I made vows to one another that included. among other things, to be faithful "in sickness and in health." I want to honor Bill for for how he has served me faithfully over the past 6 months, laying aside all his interests in order to care for me. He has expressed Christ's love in very practical ways with grace and humility 24/7. I could not get through this without his loving care.
Thank you, Bill. I love you.
Psalm 90:12 Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.
It is now twelve days until my pet scan with no noticeable shrinkage of the tumor. I am asked how am I doing, what am I thinking, feeling, etc. This is a very special time for me as I have no answers to any questions other than I have no option but to put my full confidence in my Lord who knows all the answers and has not revealed them to me. As John Piper said in his booklet, "we waste our cancer if we do not think about death."
Numbering our days means thinking about how few there are and they will end. He is using this season to knock all the props out from under my heart so that I may rely fully on Him.
This is the perfect time of year to meditate on the greatest story that is greater than any of my trials, for when I was yet a sinner, Jesus, my Lord and Savior, died for me.
As I remember what Jesus did for me that Friday, a declaration of His love for me, which I have often betrayed, I am overcome with guilt and shame. But each Lord's Day He says come and remember in the gift of the bread and the wine. We remember because we have been remembered. He has poured out His great mercy and now I am a child of God. What greater gift is there? When I was yet a sinner, Christ died for me and purchased my salvation.
But that was not enough, on Easter morning the rock was rolled back and Jesus came forth, He is alive and heaven's gates are open wide! And it has only just begun!
All glory laud and honor be to the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.
PRAYER REQUESTS:
Upcoming pet scan on April 15
Shrinkage of tumor
Wisdom for doctors as they determine what to do next
Relief from discomfort that makes normal functioning difficult
Peace for me and my family as we go forward on this journey
Psalm 89:1 I will sing of the LORD's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations.
As I meditated on this scripture today, I was once again reminded of the quote by Nate Wilson (my son-in-law) in his book, Notes From the Tilt-a-Whirl: “Do not resent your place in the story. Do not imagine yourself elsewhere. Do not close your eyes and picture a world without thorns, without shadows, without hawks. Change this world. Use your body like a tool meant to be used up, discarded, and replaced. Better every life you touch. We will reach the final chapter. When we have eyes that can stare into the sun, eyes that only squint for the Shenikah, then we will see laughing children pulling cobras by their tails, and hawks and rabbits playing tag.”
Would I have chosen this story for myself and my family if I were writing it? Certainly not! But I know in whom I have believed and He is author of The Story and I am but one of the characters. My responsibility is to be faithful to my calling knowing that it is He who will keep me. He has designed this season for His purposes and my heart's cry is to not waste time asking why but trusting Him to accomplish all He desires in me. Psalm 115:1 "Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness."
Thank you for your faithful prayers...12 days with no nauseousness and a great appetite. Bill has been whipping me up many tasty meals. Strength is coming back slowing but surely and I ask for continued prayer for increased energy. We continue to pray for the tumor to shrink; this is a rare cancer and has been resistant to treatment, but it is God who controls molecular development and He can shrink it or not, it is He who is infinitely wise.
Pray for the pet scan on April 15th and my doctor's appointment the following day. This will determine what the next step in the protocol will be. Both appointments at at Stanford which is over an hour away and a tiring trip, Heather suggested we get a hotel room over there and relax...why didn't I think of this?
My goal is to be able to be back in church for Easter so please pray that my blood counts remain good so that I may be around people. I am starting to go different nights to family member's homes for dinner and it is so nice not being isolated.
Once more, thank you for the flood of good wishes, cards, scriptures, gifts, and the many contributions to my medical account. The bills have been coming in, scary what the hospital and doctors charge, but thankful for the help of friends to cover the deductible.
With much gratitude.
Well over a year ago while visiting Moscow, I went to Jeannette Olps' home for coffee. She had recently been diagnosed with cancer and as we talked she mentioned a little booklet she had gotten by John Piper, written after his battle with cancer, Don't Waste Your Cancer. I filed that in my mind and then a week before my diagnosis, I had dinner with John Piper at Doug and Nancy Wilson's home. I immediately ordered the 6 copies of the 11 page booklet and wrote John (whom I caught up with in Dubai)! He wrote back and encouraged me to stare the enemy down, be courageous, and fight the good fight. I have clung to those words and read the booklet regularly. The last point in book is, "We waste our cancer if we fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of God." Remember, you are not left alone, You will have all the help you need. "My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:19.
Please continue to pray that I can understand this truth more deeply and trust Him more fully.
Blessings,
Diane
Just winding down from a wonderful week with my ENTIRE family in Santa Cruz and it was a healing balm. Heather and Nate rented a large house overlooking the beach at Pleasure Point where I could sit in a comfy chair with my feet up and watch the grandkids on the beach romping, surfing, bogey boarding, and collecting sea glass. My grand-daughters made me a beautiful frame with the sea glass and framed the hymn by Cowper, God Works in a Mysterious Way... I love it...."God is His own interpreter, and He will make it plain."
Heather had an opportunity to interview and video me on two occasions, including during my chemo treatment! I was thankful to be feeling well after the chemo and the following day see everyone off.
Please continue praying that when I go to Stanford on April 15 for my pet scan the tumor will show some shrinkage. Surgery at this stage would be a very difficult procedure.
God bless you one and all!